the bunlog

Some news from the world caught my eye lately. The message was basically this:

• TV reporter was detained for fabricating story on steamed buns stuffed with cardboard in China
• A city-wide inspection of bun vendors found no such cases, China Daily said
• Beijing TV apologized for failing to check the report’s authenticity

The Friday Bun Society has only one opinion about the topic (naturally, as we are the source of Ultimate Truth, and there can be only one truth here): don’t you even think about mixing unbunny materials into Buns. Also, don’t even consider faking an article that places the honor of innocent Buns in jeopardy.

Buns are to be taken seriously (although there’s no need to be too serious when taking a Bun). Breaking the unwritten Law of Bun Honor (written above) yields the most devastating penalty: the Wrath of the Society shall be place upon you. So don’t.

Making it short: the Society is against statement-providing communities, which fail to provide statements frequently.

The Friday Bun Society hereby declares that one specific Finnish phrase must be altered. This phrase uses the word “pakkopulla”, which translates roughly as “a mandatory bun”. The phrase is used when something nasty or unenjoyable is to be done.

But everyone knows that buns are good. Even if a bun is mandatory, it’s still good. The phrase has it totally wrong. The Society recommends that the phrase is altered so that it does not mention buns in a negative context. Cooked cabbage would make a perfect substitute for this purpose.

The Friday Bun Society has heard that polar bears are having a hard time. Apparently the ice in the area around the North Pole is melting, and the poor bears have to swim too far in the chilly ocean for their food, ending up dead because of hypothermia.

Thus, the Society demands that one of the big, international companies steps responsibly up, and provides the funding for getting each and every one of the bears a rubber boat (thus avoiding the need to dip into the icy water).

The Friday Bun Society hereby declares that it deeply disrespects weblogs and websites that are not sufficiently serious. Often these sites contain nothing more than inside jokes and are only read by a small group of people involved in this despicable activity. What is the point in that?

The Friday Bun Society hereby announces that there is no revolution planned, or if there is, the Society has nothing to do with it. Also, should there be a revolution, there’s no List and you’re not part of it.

Should one have reached a conclusion that there’s going to be a revolution by reading the Society’s previous statements, one would be dead wrong. Dead wrong. One should just go on and continue his life and not believe any foolishness about the revolution.

The Friday Bun Society hereby declares that it does not condone invalid and just plain annoying uses of the word “meta”.

A good example of frivolous invalid usage is referring to some alternative view of a conceptual model as “meta-model”. Equally maligned is to claim that abstract concepts of such a conceptual model form a “meta-model”. (Reporting professionals and spec writers, we know where you live. No bun for you.)

Now, as far as annoying usage goes, The Friday Bun Society is fully aware that some people might consider that to be a matter of opinion. Those people would be wrong, because The Friday Bun Society is the self-appointed owner of The Ultimate Truth and therefore opinions of others hardly matter. (And because we own The Ultimate Truth, it doesn’t matter that we have appointed ourselves. We are Right. Next, please.)

So let us rewind a bit and try this again:

Now, as far as annoying usage goes, The Friday Bun Society is also very annoyed with people who think they are so clever that they can just give advices on how to use the word “meta”. Sometimes they even fall to self-deprecating humor while trying to desperately come up with some humor when there is none to be found. They write self-referencing posts to their weblogs and have nothing to say apart from clumsy wordplays with their non-native English language. They make the joke so obvious that not even the thickest mind could miss it. They write long, incoherent paragraphs and don’t know when to stop. It’s as if they’ve been sipping Merlot while writing! They don’t realize that while they condemn other people they just declare themselves guilty on the same deeds.

But of all the people inhabiting this globe, the worst are those who try to rise a step above the meta-level, complaining about meta-complaining. It’s one thing to complain about complaining but totally another to complain about someone who is complaining about complaining!

Those people! The nerve! They are definitely on The List when the revolution comes.

The Society hereby announces that we officially want to provide all the (non-material) aid and support to those individuals or organizations, who are forced to either work or not in an environment where other authorized or non-authorized individuals or organizations either perhaps would like to or already may have restricted the use of web domains.

A sign noted in London said: “Bicycles must not be chained into these bars”. The Friday Bun Society cannot but agree. Bicycles should be given their freedom, they should not be forced to spend their lives chained into some rusty iron bars in the murky streets of London.

Recently The Founders of Friday Bun Society came upon something called hot cross buns:

It is traditional to eat warm ‘hot cross buns’ on Good Friday. Hot Cross Buns with their combination of spicy, sweet and fruity flavors have long been an Easter tradition.

Now, it is important to understand that we at the Friday Bun Society have a firm opinion on bun traditions like this. Let no-one misunderstand what we think of hot cross buns. It would be severely foolish to think that The Founders would not have an opinion about an important matter such as this. What kind of Founders would they be, should they have no statement.

Now, there are certain organizations such as the People’s Bun Front, or the Bun Front of People that could not formulate an opinion about a simple matter like this, but The Friday Bun Society is not one of those organizations, make no mistake about that!

This is a serious matter indeed, and our opinion is as serious.